Hearts of Dorkness (or, "Cobbling is easy, COMEDY is hard")

Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't make movies anymore.

...These were the facts as we knew them some 12 years ago, after the release of "The Boxer." Day-Lewis was no longer particularly interested in film, the story went, and vanished into the ether with his family in tow, working for several years as a cobbler in Italy, in fact. That's pretty f/ing far off the grid.

'Twas here that Martin Scorsese found him, and convinced him that he had to be a part of the film, "Gangs of New York," some 5 years after DDL's last movie. Oh, to be a fly on the wall that day, but whatever transpired, Danny Boy obviously agreed to be in the movie, and as a result, stuck with the game (so far) long enough to give us The Ballad of Jack and Rose, There Will Be Blood, and the upcoming "Nine."

Hang on, I'm going somewhere with this.

Terrence Malick doesn't make movies anymore.

Certainly less mainstream than the already almost-but-not-quite mainstream DDL, Terrenec Malick exploded onto the scene in 1973 with the critically acclaimed (and mad-crazy good) "Badlands," then followed it up with the elegaic, carefully paced (nerd-speak for "slow as hell," and "gorgeous to look at") "Days of Heaven" five years later. It's not for everyone, and is really more a tone-poem than a movie, but one can't deny it's unaffecting. Anyway.

Odd jobs, teaching, reportedly even in France at some point, it took two enterprising producers until 1998 -- 20 years after his last movie-- to track Mr. Malick down and convince him to make another movie. The result: the equally poetic, beautifully shot, beautifully acted "Thin Red Line," followed a mere seven years later by "The New World," which could be described with many of the same adjectives. I was never a fan of a narration, but it's a minor detail when you consider the care, artistry and dare I say, poetry, put into these films.

Now, what exactly makes these two men so special? Two artists at the top of their craft, absolutely, and they've made some of the greatest dramas of their day. You made read the above and think it was necessary-- even inevitable-- that they be tracked down and swayed back into their craft, for the good of film, and perhaps the world.

And you might be right. But, as said above, I told you I was going somewhere with this:

Why doesn't anybody go to such pains to drag Rick Moranis out of retirement?

I'm bloody-well serious, and I'm not even British. Are Day-Lewis and Malick so much more important than the former SCTV alum? Is Daniel Plainview any more of a brilliant, carefully crafted invention than Lord Dark Helmet? Did Malick really put that much more thought into storming a Pacific Island, than Moranis did in crafting the 1970's epic comedy classic, "Strange Brew?"

Before anyone invented blogging, I was forwarded one of those IQ tests or email surveys or some freaking thing, and one of the questions was, "Who was the bigger genius, Einstein or Shakespeare?" I sat and stared at it, the comparison never having occurred to me before. I couldn't answer it. I still can't.

What, exactly, makes drama so much more important than comedy? Why is it more respected, more revered, considered more IMPORTANT than the movies and TV shows that have made us laugh over the years? Who do I see about this? Will Ferrell? Tony Freaking Danza? Somebody gave comedy a bad name, and it wasn't Charlie Chaplin. It wasn't the Three Stooges, and it certainly wasn't Danny Kaye, Johnny Carson, Bob Hope, Carol Burnett, or Bill Cosby.

Rick Moranis is a personal hero of mine. He's a personal hero to a lot of people. From his humble beginnings in the SCTV days, to later Strange Brew-the-movie... none of us, I certainly hope, could forget Ghostbusters, or Little Shop of Horrors, or Spaceballs. Or Honey I Shrunk the Kids. Or Parenthood. Or My Blue Heaven. No, I didn't forget Brewster's Millions. Yes, you probably forget Streets of Fire.

This is a mighty impressive resume. This is a resume longer, and of higher quality, than a lot of comedians. You know who else its a resume longer than? Daniel Day-Lewis, and Terrence Malick.

Comedy is not to be taken lightly, nor is it easy to do. To make somebody laugh is a much greater gift than to make somebody cry, or shout, or whatever the hell I was supposed to be feeling when I didn't watch Leonardo Dicaprios last five movies. Or Will freaking Ferrells.

I'm not going to pretend to be ignorant of the long years of work Moranis put into these unique and distinctly different creations. Nor will I pretend to be ignorant of his own personal tradegies, the highs and lows of his career. But great is great, and when you have an entire nation that is truly convinced that the very height of wit is Jay Leno, then steps need to be taken.

Won't same brave producer, some important soul, track down Canada's (and with respect, America-by-adoption) greatest gift to comedy?

Admit it, when I was talking about Gangs of New York, or The Thin Red Line... you didn't see that stuff. But if Rick Moranis appeared in something even marginally better than "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves," we'd all go see it in droves. Because we love the guy.

But we "respect" Daniel Day-Lewis. Can't we do both to both?

Somebody please get on this.